my brother left for jakarta yesterday afternoon,the home is much calmer now.
But the monotony is killing my mind.
As my mother never really talk to me,still i could see how much she misses my brother and how much she loves him.
She was really happy to hear from his call this morning.
We talked.
That lucky brat.
I dont even have holidays here.
Went with my mum to this seminar again today
for the fourth or fifth time.Its good.
Now ive learnt in life that the most important thing in a positive mind is health.
Without it,we cant do anything but to count the number of days that we are left inhabited in this earth.
Have you ever heard the saying of when youre on the verge of death,youll then know how to live?
No one ever knows what would fate bring them the very next day,and what would they do if it were to be tragic?
And what would we do if someone that matters to us so much were to depart forever at that very moment?
The mind would think that its gonna be okay somehow sooner or later,but have we ever thought about this..the memories created will always be embedded in our minds only especially when the person is gone for good.
You think so?
And never in our lives we would see them again as much as we try to want to see their faces again,their radiant smiles,their loving hugs,their actions,their kindess and their presence.
No money,no fame,no status we can ever get them back again.
My parents are both not really safe,my mum has a weak stomach,intestines problems and now theres a lump in her breast,we dont even know what that is.
And my father,he have really high blood pressure,high cholestrol,and weak lungs though he doesnt smoke or drink.
Im so worried,and none of my siblings really wonder about all this.
I love my parents so much even if they dont pay attention to me,as much as evryone keeps telling me that they do.
I tried so hard to always make my mother laugh when im not even happy,and i tried so hard to give all that i could for this family,13 years of seperation im the one doing the bonding,do they even try?
I know this is what i should do because im a christ solider,maybe it doent make sense to you,but it does to me.
So much blows i had to suffer this year that my whole life is changing so rapidly.
People whom i love,care for doesnt do as much,and im so worried about their lives they dont know and all i want was some real loving but instead,im being pushed away.
No matter how hard i try,ill always be put below in their lives.
I hope someday i would stand in a special place in their hearts.
Im just a simple girl who wants to be loved and feel belonged.
Now its all up to God,as ive surrendered all my worries to Him.
Out of so many that i love,God is the one who loves me dearly,whom make me stronger and safe even if i dont hear Him speak like how evryone elses does. Im not wallowing in self pity,im not going to give up.
I will be strong.
Learn to treasure and cherish all the one that matters to you in your life when theyre still around,for if you dont,theyll be lost forever from your sight.
Ive learnt.