I dont understand, why isnt anyone around me who can understand what exactly i mean and understand me more. It was over, and time and time again im disappointed,by my own best friend,my best mate. This time was a big thing. In fact the biggest, you, never have known me and what i really want and hope from you after all. And you all, dont understand me either how i really feel. Anyway,i dont know what can i say anymore. Everything that ive said and did was nothing.If you had told me,i would have felt happy for you.But this is a huge disappointment. I dont feel hurt anymore.The bottomline is that ive never really existed in your life. My life still goes on,and futures still bright,im gonna leave everything behind now.. Thank you to all who never bother to tell me,especially you. No point updating about my life to a blnak,its so silly.. It never matters. Anyway, a toast to your happiness. :)
While i was at SKII today guess who i met? Helen Sampoerna. I never expected her to look like that,her bodys like to heavy for her heels.. I was dreaming when she sat near me at the same time exchanging glances. In her mind she must be wondering if im a he or she again,if im a he,why do i have big chest? Holy crap,this is the thought that i always get from all the indonesian people here and im really getting so sick of this momentum. Okay back to dreaming,yes i was just thinking if she would ever be gay :D and if she is,i would hook her up with a paper bag on then swim in thousands and thousands pack of Sampoerna evry single day,until i die. Live and die as a chimney. But then again,i cant possibly live my life under that paperbag . no no no,i dont want this kind of suga mommy. She really need sessions at Marie's. Enough about Helen. Think of what real now. Ill be back in Singapore during December,ill be graduating on January. Theres really so many things that i have to mark in my agenda.
LISTS:
1.Need to party for real,(cus i havent had a decent one here.)
2.Need to get together with Jimmy,tiffany, if she will be back.
3.Need to find out where can my fashion show be held at.
4.Need to see and find models.
5.Need to find designers.
6.photographers.
7.Need to get together with all and sundries.
8.Need to shop!(so much things i have to buy)
9.Need to drink real starbucks.
10.Need to meet up with a lot of different people.
11.Need to be busy every single day.
12.Need to eat real MacDonalds.
13.Need to walk more(And only walk,im sick of four-wheeled vehicles)
more....
i cant wait till December to come. And hopefully everyones not out of station.
"dont you want to graduate soon?"
"dont you think you should just come down here and consult your client and then do whatever you want later?"
"dont you think its unfair that they only want you?"
i went blank after the convo. Ive lost quite number of customers and i think rota must have hated me. Hell man,i didt know i was so famous and wanted ! :D It all reveals to me when im not there. -very widened grins.
Oh please,this is so boring..im not in school right now,and i really miss school. i wonder what theyre doing today. Im with my sisiter, running some errands . Will be back in school by saturday. That is really long to wait .
Honestly,adapting in a different place from where you grew up in can be done. The proof is,im already adapted to the life in indo now but its just the communication that is still a problem. i cant seem to speak fluent bahasa,im always blabbering. But anyway,i love Surabaya and all those bikers. :D Really hope i could share this joy with meiwen and co. Meiwen,its really fun here. you should come soon!!!! Ill teach you bahasa. -chuckles.
ive been asking my mum to let me learn driving but she never wants me to,and they always change topic when im at it. so i secretly learn bike instead from all my cool bike friends and now im riding bike. its fun but you die faster if youre not focused. my friend just got an accident outside the salon. poor her,her face was partially lightly-skinned. she suffered from a slight brain damage. thank God its all slight. the accident was really stupid,its all happen becus of her stupid jacket that got caught in her back wheel. was sent to the hospital,the craziest thing she could say was:"ahh,shit.there goes my clubbing plan tonight!" hello.. we are all so worried for her becus she was unconscious for almost two hours and yet all she could think of is she and her clubbing habits.
shes back at her hoometown now. healing.
sighs. i feel so alone and cold in this life of mine now,but ill live on with it. :/
Setelah kupahami aku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku ..
Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila aku menjadi bisu kepada dirimu
Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas 'tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku..
Walau ku masih mencintaimu
Ku harus meninggalkanmu
Ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Ku harus merelakanmu
Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang ramah menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku..
this is a song by samsons,
and its dedicated to you from me.
i have been super duper busy that i dont even have time to go online. and when i am,i will only check my mail and then mia again, i cant even breathe.
I will blog really often again when i have the time to relax and finally get to rest my ass on the chair.
Days are really passing so fast and dec is nearing,oh what should i do for my presentation,im still struggling. so many things to worry about and so many places and things i have to go and do.
Will be going to jogjakarta soon. I dont think im going back to singapore anymore,things are enough messy for me,not that im running away but i dont think im needed there and my presence will make situation weird,well it all doesnt matter anymore.Perhaps only this Dec for my show at DXO(maybe?) or somewhere else but of course Singapore. My models are all there.
Tan meiwen i dont know if you will ever read this but dont forget what you promised me,or you already did? I will skin you alive if you ask me what is it.
I miss everyone. And i really miss the days that i used to just slack and smoke and drink coffee with me and the other chimneys. I miss fishing!:)
my brother left for jakarta yesterday afternoon,the home is much calmer now.
But the monotony is killing my mind.
As my mother never really talk to me,still i could see how much she misses my brother and how much she loves him.
She was really happy to hear from his call this morning.
We talked.
That lucky brat.
I dont even have holidays here.
Went with my mum to this seminar again today
for the fourth or fifth time.Its good.
Now ive learnt in life that the most important thing in a positive mind is health.
Without it,we cant do anything but to count the number of days that we are left inhabited in this earth.
Have you ever heard the saying of when youre on the verge of death,youll then know how to live?
No one ever knows what would fate bring them the very next day,and what would they do if it were to be tragic?
And what would we do if someone that matters to us so much were to depart forever at that very moment?
The mind would think that its gonna be okay somehow sooner or later,but have we ever thought about this..the memories created will always be embedded in our minds only especially when the person is gone for good.
You think so?
And never in our lives we would see them again as much as we try to want to see their faces again,their radiant smiles,their loving hugs,their actions,their kindess and their presence.
No money,no fame,no status we can ever get them back again.
My parents are both not really safe,my mum has a weak stomach,intestines problems and now theres a lump in her breast,we dont even know what that is.
And my father,he have really high blood pressure,high cholestrol,and weak lungs though he doesnt smoke or drink.
Im so worried,and none of my siblings really wonder about all this.
I love my parents so much even if they dont pay attention to me,as much as evryone keeps telling me that they do.
I tried so hard to always make my mother laugh when im not even happy,and i tried so hard to give all that i could for this family,13 years of seperation im the one doing the bonding,do they even try?
I know this is what i should do because im a christ solider,maybe it doent make sense to you,but it does to me.
So much blows i had to suffer this year that my whole life is changing so rapidly.
People whom i love,care for doesnt do as much,and im so worried about their lives they dont know and all i want was some real loving but instead,im being pushed away.
No matter how hard i try,ill always be put below in their lives.
I hope someday i would stand in a special place in their hearts.
Im just a simple girl who wants to be loved and feel belonged.
Now its all up to God,as ive surrendered all my worries to Him.
Out of so many that i love,God is the one who loves me dearly,whom make me stronger and safe even if i dont hear Him speak like how evryone elses does. Im not wallowing in self pity,im not going to give up.
I will be strong.
Learn to treasure and cherish all the one that matters to you in your life when theyre still around,for if you dont,theyll be lost forever from your sight.
Ive learnt.